It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
