No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
