I bet he comes in French.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
