this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Randomize
