4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Randomize
