Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
