Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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