brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
