It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Even the bartender felt bad for me
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
