worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
