Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
