Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
