i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Randomize
