I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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