i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
