She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
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