He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
