Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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