I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
