Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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