Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize