We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
