don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
