im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize