You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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