I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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