everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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