The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
