I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
So many bounce houses so little time
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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