I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize