no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
