We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I'm at about main and main street
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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