who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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