Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Randomize
