The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
