whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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