do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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