There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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