No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Randomize
