So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Randomize