he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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