i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
