I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize