Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
