The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
