i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
