i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
