You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
