i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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