My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
