Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
