I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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