if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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