I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
