i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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