So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
