i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
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