If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I am available for nakedness
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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