Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Vodka?
Forever.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
