And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
