I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
operation have a gay friend backfired
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize