I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize