The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
