unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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