His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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