I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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