Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
