Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
