Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize