so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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