So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
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