so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
