I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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