4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
