He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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