Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
We're too hungover to prance.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize