You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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