her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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