So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
