Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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