PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
