i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
