yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
