I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
