Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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