The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
