fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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