so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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