Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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