At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Randomize
