I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
