There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
