My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
