Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
