Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
