im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
