Sponge bath it is.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize
